not a sexy man here, but it would seem that if they've been friends all this time and haven't gotten back together yet, i wouldn't feeel threatened. That being said you can never say never, but it appears the two of them have found a portion of a failed relationship that still works and want to maintain that. you either accept it or don't i guess...

Yes, guys can remain friends with ex-girlfriends without being sexually involved. But that doesn't mean the potential disappears. A history of on-again, off-again and an ex-girlfriend who has plowed through 4 marriages would justify a certain amount of worry. And if you're long-distance and she's not.............but I don't know what the hell you can do about it. Either you trust him, and leave yourself open to getting burned, or you don't trust him and leave yourself in a situation where you are really unable to do anything except make it clear that you don't trust him - not conducive to a good relationship. Maybe the best approach, if you want to keep the relationship, is not to care whether he's sleeping with his ex-girlfriend or not, as long as he keeps himself disease free and is able to satisfy you when you're together.

Sure, technichally it is possible, though for me I have two categories my exs fall into:

Those I never want to see or speak to again

Those I see, hang out with and are occassional FWBs

I have never gotten back together with an ex though.

My last 2 relationships ended because my ladies ex’s kept coming around and while friendship was all that was claimed it turned out Not to be so…

So It goes both ways

First off, worry gets you nothing but crazy. So just stop that!

BF is interacting with someone he's known a long time, they enjoy each other's company and there IS sexual attraction - that will never go away, you've got to make peace with that. Maybe he WOULD rather be with you, but you're 3 hours away, no good for a lunch date. He calls and emails you too, doesn't he?

I suggest you get to know her too. (Two couple dinner date?) Hopefully you'll like each other and the tension will ease... Or maybe there will be a blowout catfight and he'll see her dark side and remember why he left her so many times. Either way would better than this state of anxiety, doncha think?

And 'spose you tell him "Don't see or or speak to that bitch any more!"
What do you think will happen? Right. He'll carry on as usual but not tell you. Plot thickens.


I looked at your profile and this jumped out at me:
"Love me without fear
Trust me without questioning
Need me without demanding
Want me without restrictions"

hmmmm....

Long Distance is tough. Best of luck.

Gorgeous woman, you have so much more to offer than his ex, and if he's got any brains, he knows it. That said, I've been in his position several times, and I know it can be hard. My friend Linda and I dated very intensely for a year. She took me to my first burn! By my second burn, we had broken up. It took a while, but we got over the hurt, and became good friends. We still are. For us, the romance didn't work, and we were much better as friends. It can be a problem with new girlfriends, but to the two of us, there's nothing there. I won't ever go back to her, and it's not because she wasn't wonderful, but because it wasn't the right thing for me. I'm friends with almost all of my exes, and I NEVER go back. Linda and I talk or email almost every day, and I'm her dating coach. There are little twinges occaisionaly, but what is in the past is in the past.

I know it's not easy, but here's the harsh reality. My last girlfriend couldn't deal with my friendship with Linda. It tore us apart. We broke up. A few months later she wanted to be friends, and admitted that now, in the clarity of hindsight, she had nothing to worry about from Linda. She wrecked a good thing over an imagined threat. I never cheated on her, but her mistrust ruined it.

most of my older ex's aren't in my life at this point.
Two however I am still friends with and probably will be for years to come.
neither of them do I have sexual attraction to. both know all the bad and the good parts about me. both are not connected inmy daily life. and I have been to one's wedding and would expect that I ended up at the second one's as well :)

taz

I have been married twice. I am "friends" with both ex's. Legitimate friends; I won't crawl into bed with either of them. That's done, and for good reason. But, at one time in my life, they were an intregal part of my existence. I think it would be dishonest for me to pretend that they don't mean anything to me. But, friendship is good.

"Sexy Men - can guys really be friends with their ex's?"

Yes.

"Should I not be so worried about this?"

No; be worried, particularly in his case. He's not over her, and there isn't that kind of room for another 'woman' in your life.

Be worried.

~ Kole

i think his attitude towards your feelings would say a lot.

even if you are overreacting, and there really is nothing, him wanting to make you feel comfortable and including you in stuff, i think, would make a huge difference. that does not at ALL mean that he should not be able to be friends with his ex - he absolutely should, esp if all is kosher. but does he have a fk you this is your pb attitude? or a gentle openness about it.

stuff like this usually works itself out if the worrier is willing to examine themselves for unfair/unnecessary reacting, and the worriee :P is willing to be open and honest - and both work together to get to a good place.

It is absolutely possible but I would consider this situation (as described) dicey. I don't think that in their pheromonal hearts that either of them thinks it is over forever. The issue now is your feelings and his attitude about your feelings. There are dozens of ways that I make my current sweetie feel comfortable with my exes, and that I communicate with my exes so that their current lovers don't get jealous (sending postcards instead of sealed cards, asking about both of them, giving gifts for the household, etc).

I don't trust this one, especially given that you have only been dating for ten months and the past history. Both of them are waiting to see if he tires of you and how smart you are, should they want some shenanigans. These do not seem to me the behaviors of honorable ex-lovers who support monogamy for themselves and among others.

I ti sentirely possibly my s/o has a few ex's that are good freinds with her. The only thing I ever asked of her was to tell me how she felt about them. She still cares deeply for them but she is not going to make the past the present. I would walk softly on the matter and share your fears about the issue with him in a polite manner. If he truely loves you he will tell you what you need to know not what you want to hear. Please also an open mind into the gentle conversation saves arguements. I looked over your profile and you are highly intelligent in your way. I recommend just allowing him the chance to prove he isn't like the others.



X

i've got no input, since i've never been in this situation.... but i just wanted to say... hi armadillo! ;^)

Short answer - sure a guy can be friends with his ex-gf. Ah, but can he maintain that friendship in a way that doesn't present a challenge for his present partner? (Can a new partner be secure and comfortable with it?) One thing I'd really look at too: Does she relate to YOU in any way at all? Has she even expressed an interest in directly knowing who ELSE he's involved with?

You have told him it bugs the hell out of you, yes? Give more credit to how you felt on the gut level, than judge whether you are being untrusting, insecure, worrying needlessly, etc. Honor what it is you genuinely want and need.