I can diog where you're coming from. I think that as long as you've communicated your position, it's up to man #1 to determine of he;'s OK to continue, knowing where he stands. That's his choice. If he;s not OK with it, he can walk away.

Same really, for man #2. If he;s not comfortable dating someone who has (or had) this type of relationship, then he can make his own choice.
I don't think it's all that unusual.

Just my 2 cents

maybe you should call it what it is, a fuck buddy situation, as opposed to a dating situation?

Honestly... I would see it as you will pull the same crap with me... interest over...

I figure the type of woman I want to date would not play bullshit games like ::::literal translation:::::: "I will keep fucking this guy cause he make me feel secure kinda till I find someone I can upgrade to"

If I were you and it is not going anywhere LEAVE HIM... That easy

If not then you do fall into the category I describe.

If it is not a boyfreind and he doesn't feel like a boyfriend to you then perhaps you should have a conversation along the lines of "Hey ya know it's been nice but I am gonna start sleeping with some other guys and see if I can't find something better.

So in response, I would be in a similar position as the guy you interacted with.
You would be way to much drama for any value received.

JSin

<<<Note to poly folks, you all know it is different and the use of truth creates differences in how something like this is handled by her post she is clearly serial monogamous>>>

if it sounds really horrible, it's not because i made it that way. i just repeated what you said without all the excuses and back story. and yes, i'm being very direct, but sometimes, that's what needs to happen for us to wake up and see our own role in where we are in our life.

committed means committed... where you are going to make a relationship work with that person. what you have, from what you say here, and what you said in another tribe (which is on your profile), you and your boyfriend are in a relationship of convenience. it may be "exclusive" but it's certainly not committed, or you wouldn't be shopping around. it doesn't even sound very fun. and from the sound of it, he doesn't really care either.

what strikes me most is that you describe it like you're powerless, like it's all up to him to make it better. you keep telling him he's supposed to fix it, and waiting for him to change? your profile says you're 43 years old, which is old enough to know that people don't fundamentally change. if a guy thinks you're a convenience, and he doesn't even really talk to you, then he's not going to wake up some morning and think you're the love of his life.

and there are men out there who aren't really interested in women who are content to drag on an unfulfilling relationship until something better comes along. if the situation was reversed, i would have no interest in all in a guy who said "yeah i have this girlfriend i keep around until i find someone better" -- for the men i know. your situation would be a big red flag to them, since it seems you're looking to go from one mediocre relationship into another, instead of being willing to raise the bar, be decisive and stick up for what you deserve to have in your life, and go for something that would really make you happy.

of course, i don't know anything about you except you age and location (if those are real) since you don't actually have a profile. but my advice to you, woman to woman, is that if you want to have a real relationship with someone, then you need to be willing to clear the space out in your life to allow that to happen, so that when you meet someone you might be interested in and they ask you if you're in a relationship, you have an answer that shows you as someone who knows what they want, and who could be trusted to actually really begin and maintain a new relationship with honesty and an actual future.

is it possible to have an upfront booty call or sex-only relationship with someone? sure it is. but that allows you freedom. it sounds like you've given up your freedom in this situation, and if you really want someone better in your life, then it's time to take your freedom back and take responsibility for what you want.

>>You make this sound really horrible. I feel I have been very upfront with my boyfriend. I have told him a dozen times all the issues I have with our relationship (serious ones) and he has done ZIP about any of it over the last year. I have also told him if he doesn't do somethng about them than its not going to work. I have even told him that I don't feel like his girlfriend (from day one) and it doesn't seem like a real relationship to me (also from day one). I've told him I feel like I'm just a convenience to him and that's all. <<

1) isn't he just a convenience to you, too?
2) if he's so bad, why not just break up with him and be free as a bird, eh?

A guy would understand that you're trying to upgrade without giving up the old model, and that you're not to be trusted. Why would guy 1 invest any time or effort into you when you've got one hand on the ripcord?

I read this, and it's clear to me that you're not being honest. You're being passive aggressive with G1, and complaining, but not telling him the truth. Chewing his ass and telling him that you're ready and willing to sleep around on him are not the same.

Time to be honest with yourself and your lover.

Committed until someone else better comes along isn't committment at all. It's when that " better" person comes along and you are still committed to your original commitment , that's committment.

Um yeah aside from things like her title, statements and what have you.... Ya know aside from those things. Oh sure she is a sweetheart fully engaged honest and committed.... Feh....

JSin

I'm not reading all of the replies, just wanted to jump in and say:

You're cheating.

It's not cool, or ethical, or kind, or decent. Or fair. To you, or your boyfriend.

There are a lot of relationship permutations, many expressed on this board. The one commonality I see is that the status is very clearly communicated, and agreed upon. If you're poly, you're poly. If you're mono, you're mono. If you're just fucking, you're just fucking. I've been in all of these kinds of relationships, and more, and it's always been very clearly spelled out.

Telling a guy you're dissatisfied, and why, isn't the same as telling him that you're not exclusive. "Not fucking anybody else at this very moment, but I reserve the right to do so without prior notice" is just that. If he doesn't know that you think you are okay to date, and fuck, other people, then he needs to.

Now, it's also bad for you. You are in a relationship, and you're not going to find somebody better for you until you commit to it, and you're wasting your time and his. Only problem is, you know it, and he's just being jerked around.

I don't think you're a bad person, you're just acting like one. Stop it.