ok, so i asked the ladies about this on the other tribe. but what i want to ask you guys is, do you often find yourselves having trouble w/the courtship phase? me, i can't stand it. i'm ok when it's just humpin, & i've been told i make a good boyfriend, but it's that period between those two that just freaks me right the fuck out. i get antsy, i get impatient, i get jealous. i don't like this, but there it is, & i haven't yet figured out quite how to go about changing all that.
i'm going through it right now & i think i may've fucked it up. i have a hard time keeping my cool when i really care about someone. i'm not the only one, am i?
i'm going through it right now & i think i may've fucked it up. i have a hard time keeping my cool when i really care about someone. i'm not the only one, am i?
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Milwaukee
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Re: courtship phase
Sat, June 21, 2008 - 8:33 PMnot a man - but, no, you're not the only one. i absolutely hate that phase when i like the person and i'm trying to find my style with them and figure out whether they might like me too and i don't want to appear needy, or pushy, or clingy, or insecure, or or or
ah! it sucks, but it's well worth it when you find someone who feels the same as you do =] -
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Re: courtship phase
Sat, June 21, 2008 - 8:53 PMthanks, subby.
appearing needy is a problem i have, for sure. i don't think that i am particularly needy, but i know that in the beginning stages i come across that way.
yeah, i agree it's worth it. i'm just tired of waiting. i really don't like being single.
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Re: courtship phase
Sat, June 21, 2008 - 10:55 PMFind someone who's the same way ;). Easier said than done.
Good luck.
~ Kole -
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Re: courtship phase
Sat, June 21, 2008 - 11:15 PMIf there's one thing I know...
it's that there's someone for everyone, but you do have to get out to get it.
good luck man.
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Re: courtship phase
Sat, June 21, 2008 - 11:10 PMOh Dave my dear, you're not alone!
I think part of us, even all of us gets that antsy crazy freaked out feeling... its not just you
I think I am partially dealing with the same issue!! its tough and confusing!!! I know your dilemma!
Its hard, maybe its just because your not use to staying in a relationship for a long time, you get out of your norm, comfortable area, where you are in full control and can end it whenever you choose... and now your heart is into it, so you are more attached.... perhaps that is part of the problem? you feel more vulnerable.
maybe you're not ready... maybe its the wrong person... or perhaps you need to just stick it out more than you have in the past to see if this is a good sure thing...
have you sat back and decided what exactly you want? do you want to be in a serious relationship? or committed? or just having fun? -
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Re: courtship phase
Sun, June 22, 2008 - 3:32 PMi absolutely want serious & committed. she says she does too, but she doesn't think it would be a fair relationship. i don't know what that means. i've asked & she hasn't responded. communication has gotten sporadic.
she lives a few states away. i've told her i pretty much have nothing going on where i am now, & would be more than willing to relocate if it were to come to that. all i want in the meantime is for her to come visit me where i am, which she was planning on doing. but in the meantime i think she's gotten scared by some of the conversations we've had.
it's entirely possible that you're right about her not being the right person. honestly, at the moment i'm just not seein it, & that's making me sad. -
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Re: courtship phase
Sun, June 22, 2008 - 11:04 PMI am neither desperate nor needy, neither clingy nor creepy, neither impatient nor pushy, but I have always been a straightforward and direct individual. If I sense that the interest and attraction I feel is reciprocated, I figure why wait? I ask, and this has often killed a relationship in its tracks. It's frustrating, but I know what I seek (I think), and if my query raises red flags for my date, maybe it should raise them for me, as well.
I yam what I yam, you know? -
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Re: courtship phase
Mon, June 23, 2008 - 1:31 AMi hear ya angus, about the red flags, & i agree mostly, but i can understand her being freaked out about me mentioning the possibility of moving.
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Re: courtship phase
Sun, June 22, 2008 - 11:22 PM>>she lives a few states away. i've told her i pretty much have nothing going on where i am now, & would be more than willing to relocate if it were to come to that.<<
ok, the fact that she lives a few states away might have a lot to do with it. How long have you been talking? Have you ever met her?
that statement about be more than willing to relocate is one you should only have when things are getting serious... that kind of talk may scare someone away before getting serious... just may be too much too soon...
has the communication just gone sporadic? or has it been that way, and you are just now noticing it?
sounds like you two need to make sure you're on the same page... try and talk to her, tell her your concerns, wants and needs... then go from there. -
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Re: courtship phase
Mon, June 23, 2008 - 1:29 AMwe've been talking for, um, a while. i dunno, 8 months? more...less...? we met in a discussion board here on tribe. she approached me.
yes, we've met in person, for one week.
yeah, i may've jumped the gun talking about moving. but i wasn't saying i was planning on moving in w/her tomorrow. we were discussing the fact that we live so far away from each other, & i just said, more or less, 'well, hey, you know, i don't really have anything going on here...'. i basically was just trying to make it clear that, like i said here, i was open to doing that if it came to that.
sporadic w/in about the last month, which initially was to do w/some health issues. then came the minor freak out i mentioned, which basically was me asking why the sudden stop in communication after about a week & 1/2, & then getting impatient (antsy...) when she didn't reply in, i think it was a couple days. i understand now why it took her a while to get back to me, but at the time i didn't, & i got impatient. i wasn't rude or mean w/her, but i think i may've been kinda naggy about it.
i dunno. it's seeming we're not on the same page. i've tried to talk w/her. i'll see what happens.
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Re: courtship phase
Mon, June 23, 2008 - 12:28 AMI often have a problem knowing when to take it to the next level. Trying to decipher if the girl is interested in more, or if it's just my wishful thinking and seeing signs that aren't there.
>: )
