What makes a slut? Yes I know everyone will have a different definition but curious to hear yours. Do 7 dates (sexual encounters) in 7 days make one a slut? How about 9? or 4? what is the dividing line for you or in your mind?Maybe it is not the number of dates or encounters, perhaps it is simply about attitude. Enquiring minds want to know.......
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SF Bay Area
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"What makes a slut?"
Attitude.
"Do 7 dates (sexual encounters) in 7 days make one a slut?"
No.
"How about 9?"
No.
"or 4?"
No.
"what is the dividing line for you or in your mind?"
2+.
"Maybe it is not the number of dates or encounters, perhaps it is simply about attitude."
Oooh. You understand Kole-Magnon logic! *loving knuckle drag*
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I guess what I associate with the word slut is a women who is not in control of her sexually.
That she is being used by multiple men for their pleasure. It's a powerless position.
I have known some sexually promiscuious women and they don't come off like sluts, because they have the power.
Also the word itself is a way of disempowering women's sexuality.
It seems awfully mid-western ( IE patriachtrical) . I don't recall anyone saying the word slut in California. I do remember it from high school , and being like 17. -
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<<I guess what I associate with the word slut is a women who is not in control of her sexually. >>
I should clarify / expand then, I don't think of slut as being limited to one gender nor do I think of the term slut as deragatory, most people I know feel similiarly, perhaps that is a S.F. thng
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i believe one can be in totally control of their sexuality and still be slutty. i guess for me the term brings up thoughts of one who has a lack of caring, about themselves, about others, about their actions or how they might affect other people, a lack of conscience. i am very sex positive and believe the number of partners you have or what kind of sex you are into or not into, does not make you a slut, or not.
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Depends on the Speaker
05/24I thought a slut was any woman who (a) would not sleep with whatever man was using the word, or (b) any woman who slept with more men than the woman using the term could, since she would like to. A slut is anyone who is getting more play than you when you yourself want more play. -
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Mac Rory B pretty much summed up all the uses I heard growing up! I have taken the word out of my vocabulary, personally since i just don;t care what anyone does with their bodies... it's the mind and spirit I am concerned about. The body is but a vessel that all the rest is received with and expressed through.
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I used to think the word slut meant that the person was fairly undiscriminating in their sexual partners. Nowadays I don't think of it as such a negative term. Today I personally feel that the term just means someone who really enjoys sex, adventurous sex, frequent sex, and usually with more than one partner (albeit it doesn't have to be at the same time... or it could be). Just someone who's not ashamed of enjoying it and letting everyone know it.
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"Slut" has two definitions for me, like "bitch" and "fag." It depends upon whether it is a loving nickname used for yourself or a friend or an insult hurled at a person you don't care for. When I use the word for a friend I'm making a joke of the cultural view of sluttishness. I mean only that the person enjoys sex a great deal with many different people, or is easy to get into bed. The word slut, as an insult, has a personal definition of an individual who has sex not because they love the person or enjoy the act but for expiation of guilt, payment for favors or affection, a way to be liked, or a way to manipulate others.
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This word also has much older connotations: someone who is dirty, careless about their person or their environment, undiscriminating... and I find that a useful overtone. High school kids make fun of everything mysterious and fascinating, but sex is not really dirty.
The older connotation is useful for those that may enjoy a bit of dirty sex and thus flip it to positive. I like the way it's applied to both genders now, though usually I hear "gay" when I hear slut applied to a man. Does it have that flavor for you who use it more often?
Compare with a couple other words for people who routinely have sex with multiple partners but do so in a considered, artful way: courtesan, geisha, maybe even femme fatale come to mind. Of course these are words from other countries, we have a lot of trouble with sex as a concept here. It would be nice to have a positive word for a woman who is sexually confident. Men can be a stud; can't really think of a corresponding term for women. Should we invent one? -
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Hmm, I haven't ever felt that there was a "gay" flavor to calling a man a slut, but I know a batch of flamingly heterosexual he-sluts (bless their fuzzy little hearts) so I could be biased by my associations. My closest gay male friends were in South Dakota and they had to be VERY discriminating and careful about who they dated. Getting outed on an air force base is a good way to make your term a living nightmare.
As for more positive titles for sluts; I've always quite liked the word "libertine." It was classically male, as "slut" was classically female, but has come to describe sexually unrestrained members of both sexes and it's insulting connotations have dissolved with time and (in America and likely elsewhere) the positive associations with it's root word "liberty" have certainly affected how we interpret the word. I also like the archaic Roman definition of "a manumitted slave." It does feel rather like out culture, especially it's female half, is being freed from a sort of sexual slavery.
I've heard "nymph" used for sexually free young women before as well, due to nymphs' frequent pairing with the satyrs in the orgiastic myth-rites of ancient Greece.
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"What makes a slut?"
Good question, I like the variety of perspectives expressed here. The term certainly has a different meaning to different age and lifestyle groups.
I like the term "Ethical Slut" because it reclaims what was once concidered a negative term and applies it in a positive way. In the past, women who sowed their "wild oats" were considered sluts. I think the gender disparity regarding sexual roles played into this for the most part. These days though, It seems the term slut has become less negative, especially among sex-positive groups. So, answering a question like "what makes a slut" becomes difficult to answer definitively.
As far as the word being used with reference to men, I have heard the word "slut" used occasionally among gay men toward someone who is concidered a player and takes home "tricks" every night without a concern for safety. Another term I've heard gay men use for this behavior is "man-whore".
All in all - slut seems to be a VERY subjective word. I really don't think there is a "defining line" as far as number of sexual partners or frequency is concerned. If it *were* to be used in a negative context, I think it would be more about a lack of concern for the saftey of oneself and one's partners than anything else.
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A friend once said the definition of a slut is anyone who gets more sex than you do.
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I have heard the term used in a very endearing way as well as degrading. To me it is nothing more then a four letter word and if it did bother me...I may have a problem.
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In my mind, the term slut defines somebody who engages in frequent sex with a number of partners but motivated, not by a sense of freedom, joy or sexual powerfulness, but out of a sense of need, desperation, or lack of self confidence or respect. The negativity to it in my view comes from the misguidedness of the sluts motives. Maybe she wants to be liked, loved, cherished or at least appreciated, and she uses permissiveness in a futile attempt to gain that from a man. There is no joy in it, no pleasure or the consent of an equal, which makes being a slut a "bad' thing.
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A slut is a woman who sleeps with every man she meets.
Except you. -
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wow.... to everyone still defining slut by the age old definitions that it once had....
As a woman of the now a slut is someone that enjoys their sexuality and doesn't let it be defined by the attitudes of others.. Someone that enjoys sex for what it is ..daily or weekly or mothly... Someone that doesn't care what vanilla concepts of such a term are... that loves sex and enjoys it to whatever level that person decides to take it to. That woman or person can be honest enough with their sexuallity that someone elses misconceptions don't matter... that enjoys whatever sexual encounter as it is... a sexual encounter... no giving into guilt or anything..but an enjoyment of sex. Doesn't matter if the next partner is how many hours next... this is bullshit. Why does it matter how many in how long a time span?? jeeesh what is it about allowing age old misconceptions of sexuallity come into it??
ok flame on everyone I can handle it need be. -
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Don't get me wrong, Ally. What you described is pretty much how I view my own sexuality. It's mine and if other people don't approve, well...I don't much give a shit. I just don't use the word 'slut' to describe myself. I prefer 'tramp' ;o)
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Well, you can define that word however you like but you also must know and deal with the fact that the word's meaning to the rest of the world is not what you're trying to make it. There are some women that I think of as sluts in a not charitable way. They use their sex as a tool, and a degrading one for themselves and their partners. That is what I think of when I hear the word "Slut" and I don't want to take that as a label for myself no matter HOW much I liked the book "The Ethical Slut." For me there is no such thing as an ethical slut. If you're ethical then you aren't being slutty, you're just being promiscuous.
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>>Well, you can define that word however you like but you also must know and deal with the fact that the word's meaning to the rest of the world is not what you're trying to make it. There are some women that I think of as sluts in a not charitable way. They use their sex as a tool, and a degrading one for themselves and their partners. That is what I think of when I hear the word "Slut" and I don't want to take that as a label for myself no matter HOW much I liked the book "The Ethical Slut." For me there is no such thing as an ethical slut. If you're ethical then you aren't being slutty, you're just being promiscuous. >>
You are right Myriad but I am not out there to change the world, I cannot control what a word or concept means to others. I don't try. I also don't take on their attitudes or opinions. They have theirs and I have mine. I keep like minded people around me. I attend parties and events that reflect the same attitude. Those that know me know I am ethical, open,honest, and out there. I know how someone in my work life wouldn't have the same idea of the word as I do. I don't expect them to. I still don't care what they think of my love life or sex life... doesn't include them. They accept me as I am and if they don't, who cares? I only work with them. I am glad that you have processed your own value system and can see that calling yourself slut is something you wouldn't do. Good for you and great boundries.
hmmm..... libertine works for me too. lol. -
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I am confused. If you are not trying to change how other people use and view the word then why use a different definition? It's completely contradictory to the entire purpose of language: communication. I'm not challenging what sort of person you are, and I doubt that I would define you and yours as sluts, but I will never understand this strange attitude where small groups of people will suddenly decide that everybody else who speaks their language is wrong and their new definition of a word is what it "really" means. You see, what your co-workers think of your sex life has fuck all to do with the definition of the word slut. And if you remove "slut" from their vocabulary their attitude of your sex life would not change. You could even get them to agree that sluts are progressive women who take charge of their own sexuality if you like, that would not change how your co-workers would feel about those women or about other women that they would have previously been calling sluts. We create words to describe attitudes and trying to change the word will not remove the attitude that spawned it.
And, yes, "libertine" is a great word with a fantastic history. It originally was a Roman word for a freed, or "liberated," slave. I find the connotations pleasing. -
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The reality is, language is constantly evolving. Definitions are not static. The term shabbles used to mean "meat market" in Old England but it's meaning is quite different today. I think the word slut is simply going through an evolution, similar to the words; gay, partner, straight, etc...
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This is true, language is always changing, but this word has not yet changed. It may be moving in that direction but I take issue with chiding people for using a word in the way that the majority of English speakers still define it. When the meaning of the word has changed none of us will need to debate this because that will be the new accepted meaning of "slut," or not. There are words in our language that already describe sexually active women without being insulting or implying said women is being unethical in her actions. So why not identify with one of those words instead of taking a word that does not mean what you want it to mean and attempting to shame everybody else into using it the way you want it used?
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Well, there was already a word for homosexuality without changing the meaning of the word gay. I think it's just the way words evolve - someone uses it in a different context, or wants to broaden the context and new meanings grow out of it.
I haven't noticed people being chided for using the conventional meaning as much as wanting clarification as to what is being meant by the use of the word (in light of the fact that many are using it in a new or different context). Some see it as an offensive word which is the conventional context and others see it and a neutral or positive word in the broader context. It seems that as words evolve they go through a period of misinterpretation where context is overlooked. -
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This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.Take for example, the evolution of the word "queer". It began meaning someone worthless or mildly insane and evolved into an insulting term for homosexuals and now is embraced by some as a positive term for anyone who is not heterosexual. According to Mirriam Webster's Dictionary:
Main Entry: 1queer
Pronunciation: \ˈkwir\
Function: adjective
Etymology: origin unknown
Date: 1508
1 a: worthless, counterfeit <queer money> b: questionable, suspicious
2 a: differing in some odd way from what is usual or normal b (1): eccentric, unconventional (2): mildly insane : touched c: absorbed or interested to an extreme or unreasonable degree : obsessed d (1)often disparaging : homosexual (2)sometimes offensive : gay 4b
3: not quite well
— queer·ish \-ish\ adjective
— queer·ly adverb
— queer·ness noun
usage Over the past two decades, an important change has occurred in the use of queer in sense 2d. The older, strongly pejorative use has certainly not vanished, but a use by some gay people and some academics as a neutral or even positive term has established itself. This development is most noticeable in the adjective but is reflected in the corresponding noun as well. The newer use is sometimes taken to be offensive, especially by older gay men who fostered the acceptance of gay in these uses and still have a strong preference for it.
I think the same progression is happening with the word slut.
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This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.And yet nobody tisk tisks anybody for using "gay" and "queer" in their non-slang context, and we all realize that the use of "gay" and "queer" to describe homosexuality is a slang usage. The original post that I responded to (I know, that was a while ago) was addressed "to everyone still defining slut by the age old definitions that it once had" which is inaccurate as none of the definitions of "slut" given so far have been in any way archaic. She then went on to propose that her definition of the word is the correct one, which is also inaccurate and frankly insulting. she insinuated that the more common usage of the word slut is vanilla and used by those who are not honest in their sexuality, are overly concerned with the opinions of others, and do not enjoy sex for what it is capping it all with "Why does it matter how many in how long a time span?? jeeesh what is it about allowing age old misconceptions of sexuality come into it??" Now I don't recall anybody mentioning that taking a certain number of lovers in a certain amount of time was one of the criteria for sluttishness nor do I recall seeing any "age old misconceptions of sexuality" being espoused. Most of the responses indicated that sluts are women who are completely indiscriminate in their choice of lovers and will sleep with anybody or (and I cannot believe this is meant as anything but tongue-in-cheek) that slut is an insult to be hurled at a woman you perceive to be excessively promiscuous who still will not sleep with you. Those are both valid modern descriptions of the common usage of the word slut and it is rude and untrue to claim that individuals using the word thusly are no "modern" or hold some antiquated backwater sexual beliefs.
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" yet nobody tisk tisks anybody for using "gay" and "queer" in their non-slang context"
maybe not in their non-slang context but anyone who uses the term "queer" in the negative slang context is tisk, tisked.
Slut is a slang term. The original definition of the word slut in England simply meant a slovenly woman. So, the fact that the slang usage is evolving isn't really surprising.
Of course, it's just as rediculous to insist on the conventional usage of a slang term as it is to insist that one's personal alternate useage of the word is the only correct one. -
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Slut has been used to describe a woman of loose moral character since the 1400s and today a sexually promiscuous woman is one of the accepted formal definitions of the term. It hasn't been slang since long before Shakespeare was in diapers.
www.etymonline.com/index.php
dictionary.reference.com/browse/slut
Now I have no problem with people having personal definitions that are non-standard, it's unavoidable do to the experiential and psychological nature of personal word definitions and my own personal definition for when I apply the word slut is a bit nonstandard, but I don't chide anybody for being backward when they use it properly.
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<<A slut is a woman who sleeps with every man she meets.
Except you.>>
Hmmm guess I don't know any sluts then ;)
LOL
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What makes a slut? Negative meaning: someone (most likely woman) who is sleeping with someone I don't want them to sleep with and I want to sleep with. ("Fucking whore" "Cunt" also mean this to me too, no matter whatelse it might mean to someone else.) Not my most proud moments when think of a woman that way. It is usually not just because they are fucking someone I want or are with but because of how they do it, what they say and how they "clean" up their mess.
Positive: When I am being one as described in the "Ethical Slut."
In some communities, saying "I am a slut" or "she is a slut" is usually understood to be a positive saying. (Although tone of voice is very important too!) Just like in some communities the word "faggot" or "nigger" said does not have the same meaning as when a member of "mainstream" society says it.
When Ally is called a slut by one of us (those in her community), it is a good thing! It means we might actually be honoured someday with her attentions! And then there is riding on her coat-tails of sluttiness! (You go girl...and thanks for letting me ride the coat-tails of kissing sluttiness last night...that was fun!)
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Slut is a very generic term to me......as it can mean so many different things.
I think whether a man or woman is a slut depends on them.
If they are being sexual with multiple partners in ways that make them
feel shameful, then that could be construed as slutty. But I also know
people, both men and women who think of the term slut as a way
to describe their own promiscuity, and they don't feel bad about it at all.
So as I said, there is no one way to define it.
