I am upset because you are insisting that I am being insulting when I use a completely harmless word with no ill-intent. I consistently become upset when people try to tell me I have ulterior or sinister motives behind my words when I say that I do not. I also find it interesting that the kink community which has spoken up so far doesn't seem to see anything wrong or derogatory about being vanilla. People attempt to force fine and useful words out of my vocabulary simply because they have a personal issue with them that isn't even present in the term and I resent that. People ascribe motives to me that I do not hold and I resent that as well. The kink community coined the term vanilla to describe what we do when we aren't in a kink session and partner's who don't participate in kink and the kink community doesn't seem to think it's degrading or insulting. If a person does have no respect for folks who are vanilla then making them use another word isn't going to get them to respect you one iota more but pitching a fit about being called what you are when no harm or insult is meant strikes me as rather petulant and inconsiderate.

And yes, quel, I do whip slaves, but not because I want them to work harder in any field. I whip them because they begged me to. I am also as pasty as your average Saltine despite my mutt heritage so I think both definitions of "cracker" may define me rather well.

See, "bitch" has a derogatory definition. I can understand why people would resent being compared to a dog in heat. Vanilla is something that, as a substance, almost everybody enjoys and finds pleasant. The only conceivable insult to the word is either in the mind of the speaker or the mind of the hearer. If the speaker carries no insult in their voice or manner then the listener has absolutely no reason to take offense at the term unless THEY are uncomfortable with being vanilla. It's like if you got offended at a person calling you "honey." Honey is generally agreed upon as being a good thing and unless the person is using it in a sarcastic or condescending manner then there is nothing wrong with it. Now, granted, if you get your knickers in a twist when I call you "honey" I'll probably stop calling you that, and if you have a term other than "vanilla" that you think better describes individuals with culturally normative sexual practices you let me know and if I'm ever talking to you I'll try and remember to use it. I will not, however, stop referring to certain practices as "vanilla" because some people don't like the term just as I will not stop referring to other practices as "kinky" because some folks don't like that term either. They are in most cases my practices and I'll define them how I please.

good point, *B*. I do not advocate being PC because that's just another way of stifling conversation and opinion. I just think we don't consider connotation enough when we do talk and particularly when we label.

BTW, I never said I was personally offended by the word, I just think it's condescending but that doesn't mean others do not.

I will personally stand up right now and be the exception. Some of my favorite sex is strait vanilla. I could never have a long-term partnership with anybody who could never have strictly vanilla sex. I could, however, have a long-term relationship with an almost totally vanilla partner so long as they were willing for me to get my kink needs met elsewhere. If there is NO vanilla in your sex then I must admit that I worry for you. If a person can never just enjoy the touch and wonder of another body without attachments, well, that's clinical fetishism and it usually is not a happy thing for the fetishist or their partners.
My favorite position is Missionary.

But, I get it, a lot of folks don't like the term. I don't claim to really understand it but I also don't want to piss anybody off so I use the word carefully though it irks me to do so. When I'm with the kink community we can happily chat away about vanilla and kink and how much of what we like, but when I'm with folks outside of the kink community I may describe activities as vanilla but generally not people unless I know them fairly well or truly do not care what they make of my words. Just as I shy away from using any but the most clinical of descriptor for race until I know how sensitive a person is about it. Just as I try to be PC towards the queer community (though in DC I'd get slapped for calling somebody queer while here I get slapped for using the clinical term homosexual). Just as I try to be careful how I refer to people with differing levels of physical, mental, and emotional functionality.
But some days a part of me is furious because I feel like I can't acknowledge the differences between people! We aren't homogeneous! I don't want us to be! Some folks aren't the same color, aren't the same height, don't have the same number of limbs, sleep with different genders, are different sexes, and like to fuck in different ways! We've let our hangups and our insecurities choke us until it is never safe to discuss how we are different from each other! I'd love the day when absofuckinglutely nobody saw anything wrong with words like "nigger" and "fagot," because the day NOBODY sees anything wrong with them is the first day that we can say we have truly gotten over homophobia and racism. When those words stop being ugly because there is nothing ugly to what they describe and we can't imagine how there could be then they will just be words and we will all know better than to give a damn about them.

Hmmm, I think I meant lovemaking as in non-aggressive and emotionally charged intercourse, not simply any intimate erotic exchange between two folks. And, yes, if I'm with a bunch of needle play folks then I'm the vanilla chicken with a needle phobia. I'm generally not kinky enough for hardcore kinksters nor vanilla enough for more classically romantic individuals but which one I am lets me know which crowd I'm running with. I think a great many descriptors work this way but in my head the litmus test is "Can I talk about it with my grandmother?"
What can I say, when they make fenceposts with such suggestive finials it makes a girl want to sit on them.