Jins,
Let me say that I do Yahoo chat and cam to cam with guys, and he is there with me, and all is fine. Yes, there are hours involved. Jealousy from that, no, His posting things, honestly at time, a bit, but it is all in my head, just me realizing that,as I am appreciated, so is he.
Lynn

Jin, sweetheart, I have to preface this by saying that I am deeply suspicious and, to a degree, insecure, so I'd be out-of-my-HEAD jealous and unhappy with such an arrangement, myself. My first and second marriages ended because neither of my husbands could be either faithful or honest with me. The most unfortunate outcome of these experiences is that I have one *fuck* of a time trusting my current lover/husband to be straight with me, even though I know in my heart that he'd rather gnaw his own leg off than fuck me over. I don't know what to tell you, angel, except that I'd be deeply unhappy to be in such a situation. I love you! ~ Misha :o)

Okaay. I'm not a man, but I have to pipe up here.

Never come between a woman and her friends.

I'm serious. We'll forgive you many things but if you try to come between us and our friends, of whatever sex, most of us will drop you in a New York Minute. You can tell her you're feeling jealous, but you can't tell her to stop seeing them or talking to them. I have a lot of male friends. Hell, most of my friends are male. Our friendships are deep and sometimes involve talking till the wee hours. I haven't slept with most of them, and I never will. I wouldn't sleep with ANY of them without talking to the person I'm dating first, and I'm polyamorous. The bottom line is that either you trust your girl or you don't. If you don't trust her then leave her because whether she's cheating on you or not the relationship will never work if you don't trust her.

this is just an echo of myriad's post, but from a guy. Friends are more important than lovers, and lovers who try to eliminate friends from their SO's life are headed for a fall. As long as your SO is taking care of the homework, you just have to let this stuff go. That's not to say you never get a bit jealous or maybe a bit annoyed, but you need to either eat those feelings or talk them out in a reasonable way without coming between your SO and their friends. And that goes for any gender. If an SO tells me "choose between your friends and me!" the answer is gonna be, "don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out."
What works best is when two people are lovers and friends, because that way they understand and the issue won't arise.

As long as she ends up paying the phone bills, I wouldn't bat her an eye.

I can give you two perspectives. I'm very close to an ex g.f., and pretty close to several old lovers. I have many friends who are women. I never cheat. I do break up with women who can't handle those friendships, since it's clear that we're not compatible on that front. I don't cheat largely because I can be honest with myself about how I feel about somebody, and am therefore never surprised to find that, after a couple of drinks, hidden attractions are brought to the forefront at an inopportune time!

Because of this, I understand how men and women, even ex-lovers, can be friends and have nothing happen, and not have it impact my relationship. I also understand how jealousy can arise, but I know that's my issue, and I have to find a solution if I'm going to be fair and trusting.

My ex g.f. uses me as a dating consultant and to vet some of the men she dates. I can give her a third party perspective, and I"m more straight forward than most of her female friends. It's weird, and it does raise some issues, but she also knows that no man who can't handle her having men friends, and she has several others, is going to work out in the long run.

Maybe it's just my preference, but I've never enjoyed dating a woman who didn't have male friends.

For me, it would be about transparency.
If I understood who the guy was and what the relationship was about, then I'd probably be ok with it.
But if I don't know much about what's going on, then the "unknown quantity" aspect makes me uncomfortable.
I imagine if there are some secrets there, then it's probably indicative of more secrets later, or maybe the tip of a secret iceberg, perhaps.

Yes, because it has happened,
and while 1 or 2 of her Male friends are just that
it turned out that 1 or 3 are NOT...
so....

"OK sexy guys... how would you feel you your wife/ gf/ partner had some very close guy friends and indulge in long chats (say 1 - 3 hours) on the phone once a week with each one. Can you handle it "

Yup.

"Would you get jealous ?"

No.

"Is it normal to get jealous, after all it's only a phone call ?"

It's not normal, but it -is- common. Modern-day psychosis ;).

~ Kole

It's easy. Either I'm No. 1, or I'm gone....

Well Jin's, I'm sitting here Tribing while my lover and her husband have gone off to bed in another room. I'm assuming that, among other things, they might indulge in a long chat. Although not on the phone ;-)

I'm in a pretty happy place right now because I know they're happy.

The take home message is a combination of many things that people have said above. I trust them, and they me (thank you Myriad). Jealousy is not necessary or desireable and can be overcome (thank you Kole). And, something that speaks volumes to me, is to tread very carefully if you are considering getting between someone and their important relationships (thank you Papa Red).

I cannot conceive of being with ANYONE who would talk on the phone for 1-3 hours, or even text chat that long. If they talk like once a year or something, maybe, but dang! Three hours per week, with more than one person? That is insane. I suppose I would be incredibly grateful that the person doesn't expect me to engage like that all the time, but in most cases I would be (a) concerned for their self-esteem or mental health and/or (b) suspicious. It's not "only a phone call" but a huge misuse of life itself, to be that reliant on any technology.

No I wouldn't be jealous in the slightest, but if I lived with her I would get tired of the constant yacking!
"Jesus didn't you talk to him YESTERDAY for four hours?"

Actually, I did have a partner who did that, and no, I didn't get jealous.

Jealousy is a chain which wraps around the heart and squeezes all the decency, love, and respect out until there is nothing left. The trick is not to let the chain contract even one link, and the way you do that is by trusting your partner and maintaining the bond between you.

I have a number of friends who are women, and my partner should respect that. If she can't, then it's an issue to be worked out between us, pure and simple.