>"how can anyone speak up who isn't aware of their own feelings to begin with?"
Much fewer men, or women, are not "aware" of their feelings than ARE. I so often hear the statement that because a man divorces himself emotionally in situations, that he is out of touch with the feelings that motivated him to do that. Trust me, the most distant fucker you ever knew, had connection to his emotions. It is the way it was NOT expressed that confuses us. The reasons it wasn't expressed are very likely extremely emotionally based.

If men "got" sex for genuinely being themselves, that's what they'd be doing, and loved for it. lmao

Kole.

Ill second that statement, ive oftne found the same to be true, okay not OFTEN, lets be honest, ALWAYS.

I agree with Kole.

However, if I'm honest, I'll say that anyone, male or female, who talks about their feelings too much annoys the hell out of me. "Too much" being a subjective term, of course, but anything more than 'hey, that hurt my feelings, i'm sensitive in that area because of xyz" followed by a quick apology and maybe a question or two, then dropping it and moving forward is really a turnoff to me. Not that I won't be aware of that trigger in the future, but really, awareness, concise communication, then move on. Seriously.

Yeah that's really scary. I had a grandpa ( I had two actually) who was a great grandpa but he was frustrated and angry and mean to his wife and couldn't express anything but anger, although his love for his children and grandchildren still came through. His love for his wife was suspect. But I wonder if he died feeling like no one really knew him, maybe he felt like he didn't really know himself.
That bottling up of emotions really effect the body too, there must be an emotional aspect to cancer, emphazemia, mental illness etc..
I only recently figured out that the guys I date ( who tend to be very feeling types) may be as scared as I am about intimacy. Especially if they are either cut off or totally enmeshed with their mothers, or any unresolved or basically frozen feelings about their moms.

It may have been on another post , but women's standards I'm sure so a lot of shaping of men's realities. I tend to believe that it is up to the man ( or women, including me) to feel our own feelings, make some sense of them, attach meaning, etc..
If my grandpa had had that kind of women in his life, he may have been a different man. Although if he were a different man he would have attracted a different women, and no body was expecting emotional openess and emotional self-responsibility from their marriages back then, this is like 1920 when my grandparents were married I think.
Anyway, Iread this cool article by Rita WIlson, she interviewed her parents who have been married for like 50 years. Basically happilly, they get along. And she asked her mother if given all that she knows now would she do it all over again, marry Rita's father. And her mother said No. She married him because he was dashing and provided her with a good life and was a good parent, etc.. But they didn't actually connect, she ( rita's mom) always used her girlfriends to talk about the "important " stuff with. That her intimacy came from her friendships with her girlfriends. And she only had realized recently ( she was like 70) that that was what she really wanted in her marriage, so she would do it differently if she had it all to be done again.
I thought that was amazing and insightful. So I'm trying to get smart before I get married right? And I instintively know that all that nice houses, trips flash means little if there's no deep connection.